Monday, March 14, 2011

To the beat

A little restless this evening. A little tired, a little thoughtful, a little empty.
There used to be a place I went to clear & clean my mind of dread. There used to be so many friends and parties and laughs. There used to be a person I was that made a room brighter & lighter and grabbed every eye. When I look back on these times with you & you, it makes me think about what have I done to be me right now. Was it my far away past that dimmed the lights on me being happy? Or was it the need to be loved absolutly, no matter what?

It was punches and hard kicks,
it was slaps and busted lips.
It was broken arms and tears,
It was only you leaving that I feared.
It was showing me new things that glimmered in gold
And you gave all the new after I already had the blue & old.
It was drives to other states and baseball games and laughs
It was me getting lower & you getting all the staff
It was holding in my bed and choking in my sleep
It was never my intention to get in this so deep
There were sirens loud and songs I'd sing you
It was my first time having something like you
And I fought with my heart, my cumbled heart not head
Because if I didnt I would have turned up dead
Your love was so painful and so beautiful and so lovely
Your love, I miss your kisses and your punches and you're funny
It was the words you spewed to me with grace
It was the drunken angry slaps across my face
It was your powerful, demanding, broken deminor
It was the way your eyes lit up when you thought of her
It was me turning my cheek to be better
It was you hurtting my cheek, being clever
With those beautiful ugly lies, those beautiful lying lies
My pitiful crying cries, and slowly dying inside
It was that I knew you had another, and you blamed it all on me
It was me acting like my mother, keeping on being naive
It was that I had fallen so deep, so true, so blind
It was that you kept telling me you were all mine
It was me believing all your terrible, not-even-thought-through lies
It was me wanting you so bad that I didnt care as long as you stayed here
As long as you protected me in your arms, and under your fists
And I never thought once you'd go.
It was you walking away that made me say I love.




"We could have had it all, rolling in the deep. You had my heart inside of your hands, and you played it, to the beat."

No comments:

Post a Comment