Im on your Side

So im sitting in my little house, no lights on, no sounds. And i know that i should be out & about. I should be talking and making conversation with wonderful people who allow my mind to expand with all the new ideas they give me. I should be watching the sky change colors and the sun set behind a bridge. I should be laughing and exploring every new possibility i have ever wanted. I should be on a plane to some joyful place where the sun kisses my skin, and the salty water washes away the dark cold in my viens. I should be hearing the wind brushing against my ear like a mouth with a secret. I should be exchanging stories, and remembering good moments of this life thats been so beautifily ugly. I should be thinking of new words, and new thoughts and new everything. I should be thinking about right now. I should be thinking of  a way to escape this shadow of pain and sorrow and absolute hurt. And absolute crushing hurt. I should be singing the songs I did not sing to you, and I should be making the moves I never made on you. I should be happy. I should be grateful. I should be alive inside of this shell. I should just be.